Shire Husband Enforces “One In, One Out” Cushion Policy After Bed Disappears Under Decorative Mountain

Sandy Shores | Editor-in-Chief | Sutherland Shire Gazette

10 September 2025

In what experts are calling the Shire’s most relatable marital standoff since “Do we really need another scented candle?”, a Caringbah man has been forced to introduce a strict “one in, one out” cushion policy after his wife’s relentless decorative spree rendered their marital bed practically invisible.

What began with two tasteful throw pillows has spiralled into a full-blown textile landslide. “I went to bed last night and couldn’t find the doona,” the man confessed. “I had to sleep diagonally between something velvet, three sequinned squares, and a bolster that looked like it came from Versailles. I woke up with an imprint of Morocco on my face.”

The wife, however, defends her growing collection. “Cushions create atmosphere,” she insisted, while scrolling through Temple & Webster like a high-functioning addict. “You can never have too many textures.”

Neighbours reported hearing muffled arguments through the walls, though it turned out to be the husband shouting for help after falling into a pile of oversized Euro pillows. Rescue was delayed when he realised there was no clear exit.

Relationship counsellors say cushion creep is a leading cause of silent resentment in Shire households. “It starts with a Kmart two-pack,” warned one therapist. “But unchecked, it ends with a man drafting a rental agreement to sublet the bed back from the cushions.”

As of this morning, the bed is operating under nightclub rules: for every new cushion that enters, one must leave. Enforcement, however, remains patchy — with sources confirming a velvet number from Adairs has already slipped past security.

Locals remain divided. Some call it tyranny. Others, survival.