Aldi Pulls Out, Sutherland Shire Gazette Steps In - Our Haunted Caringbah Marketplace Joke Now Shaping Shire Development Plans According to Major News Outlets

Sandy Shores | Editor-in-Chief | Sutherland Shire Gazette

14 August 2025

CARINGBAH – Our groundbreaking investigative journalism has finally achieved the mainstream recognition it deserves. The Sutherland Shire Gazette, the Shire's most trusted source for wildly exaggerated local news, can confirm that our exposé on the "spooky vibe" of the abandoned Caringbah Marketplace has officially entered the national discourse.

After we reported back March on the phantom whispers of a forgotten Donut King and the mysterious stench of an “ancient crypt,” two of the country's most prestigious news outlets have picked up the story. In a move that feels both validating and terrifyingly dystopian, major media outlets are now citing our 'haunted mall' theory as a genuine talking point for potential buyers.

A RealCommercial article breathlessly reported on the building's "spooky reputation," while the Australian Financial Review, a publication that only ever covers things with a net worth higher than your entire street, noted Aldi's plans to sell the "ghost supermarket."

This is, quite frankly, an intellectual mic drop. It proves that the very fabric of Shire life - our dry wit, our collective frustration, and our unwavering commitment to blowing minor inconveniences out of proportion - is now a key factor in commercial real estate negotiations.

We did not ask for this power, but we will wield it responsibly. We’re now turning our satirical gaze to other local institutions. Kiora Mall, you're on notice.

We would like to extend our congratulations to the developers for finally listening to the only real estate truth that matters: that sometimes, a property is so dead on the market, it's literally haunting itself. You’re welcome.

Now, if you'll excuse us, we're off to start a new rumour that Cronulla Beach is actually full of sand that's 90% human glitter.

Caringbah Marketplace Haunted Joke