Cronulla Man Goes to Italy Once, Returns as Self-Appointed Expert in ‘Real Pizza’

Chris T Tide | Foreign Correspondent | Sutherland Shire Gazette

21 June 2025

CRONULLA - A 33-year-old local man has returned from a twelve-day trip to Italy fully reborn as a self-proclaimed ambassador of “authentic” pizza, leaving friends confused, fatigued, and under-fed.

Daniel (last name withheld to protect his Nonna) visited Naples, Rome, and what he now only refers to as “the hills of Tuscany”, before returning to the Shire with a suitcase full of linen shirts and a vendetta against barbecue sauce.

“He discovered prosciutto on day three of the trip,” sighed housemate Corey. “Now he winces if someone says pro-shoot-oh instead of pro-shoo-ttoh”.

“He used to love a good crust-stuffed Supreme, now he looks physically ill if there’s more than three toppings”.

Daniel, who previously believed bocconcini was just a fancy word for nugget-sized mozzarella balls, now insists on saying “mozzarella di bufala” in an accent that alarms most of his friends.

Since returning, Daniel has also developed an allergy to table Parmesan, refuses to eat pizza on anything but a timber board, and once softly wept when someone offered him garlic bread.

The Loftus TAFE Culinary Studies Department, in an emergency statement, confirmed Daniel is the latest known sufferer of Post-European Pizza Superiority Syndrome (PEPSS) - a condition characterised by linen shirts, unsolicited San Marzano references, and hyper-pronunciation of cured meats.

At press time, Daniel was seen trying to convince his mates to invest in a backyard pizza oven while wearing an apron that reads “In Napoli, we trust.”

Sources say he’s planning to open a food truck called ‘Not That Kind of Pizza’ - pending a council permit.

Real pizza