JUST IN: Local Man Enters Day Three of Agapanthus War After Gardeners Refuse to Take the Job

Finn Seabrook | Local Correspondent | Sutherland Shire Gazette

16 July 2025

A Sylvania man is reportedly “not the same” after attempting to clear a clump of agapanthus from his backyard over the weekend - a project initially intended to make way for a new backyard pizza oven but now believed to be a full-scale spiritual reckoning.

“I just wanted a woodfired margherita,” said 49-year-old Dan, currently lying flat on a camping mat in his garage, nursing what he describes as "emotional turf trauma.”

Dan first posted to local Facebook groups seeking help with “a bit of light garden clearing.” But upon mentioning the word agapanthus, potential gardeners either ghosted him entirely or arrived, took one look, and left silently in reverse.

“There was one guy who got out of the ute, made eye contact with the roots, whispered ‘not today’, and just drove off,” Dan recalled.

Taking matters into his own gloved hands on Sunday, Dan armed himself with a shovel, a Bunnings broad brimmed hat, and blind optimism. Four hours later, he had removed six stalks, torn both hamstrings, and accidentally dug into next door’s reticulation.

But the real horror began on Wednesday morning.

“I went out to admire the cleared patch - and there were more. Like, more than I started with. They'd multiplied. I think they absorbed the sweat from my Crocs and used it as fuel.”

Neighbours report seeing Dan muttering to the soil and sprinkling oregano in protest.

Council has issued no formal comment but confirmed “agapanthus removal” is now a recognised phase of grief.

Despite the setbacks, Dan remains committed to installing the pizza oven by spring. In the meantime, he’s switched to takeaway and now uses the agapanthus as a passive-aggressive hedge against reality.

“Honestly,” he said. “I think the agapanthus has already won.”