JUST IN: Shire Fish Seen Hitchhiking Out of Local Waterways - Experts Blame New Water Quality Report

Finn Seabrook | Local Correspondent | Sutherland Shire Gazette

19 November 2025

In a development scientists are calling “deeply symbolic,” motorists on Captain Cook Drive have reported sightings of a lone bream attempting to hitchhike out of the Shire following the release of Council’s 2024–25 Waterways Quality Report.

The fish, described as “fed up and visibly over it,” was seen flapping determinedly near the industrial estate precinct, appearing to hold what one witness swore was a scrap of cardboard reading Anywhere But Here. Another driver said the bream “had the same energy as someone trying to escape a bad committee meeting.”

Its motivations aren’t difficult to decipher. The report confirms that of the 33 waterways Council actually tested this year, 22 declined in quality, seven stagnated, and three weren’t assessed at all. Only one improved -the aquatic equivalent of one kid showing up to school while the rest call in sick.

Most concerning is the North Cronulla stormwater outlet, which again received an F+ for Enterococci levels - the bacteria used to measure faecal contamination. Or, as one scientist put it more plainly: “Yes. That’s poo. Lots of it.”

The fish’s escape attempt has caused confusion among residents who, only weeks ago, celebrated news that Cronulla’s beaches were rated some of the cleanest in Greater Sydney. Locals are now grappling with the contrast between postcard-perfect surf zones and inland waterways that appear to be quietly plotting their own revolt.

“It’s lovely that the beaches are sparkling,” one swimmer said, “but the creeks seem to be writing their own resignation letters.”

Council has not commented on the hitchhiking bream, though an insider privately admitted they were “frankly relieved it didn’t hold a press conference.”

Authorities advise residents to remain alert for any further aquatic departures.

If you spot a fish attempting to leave the Shire, please offer assistance, directions, or simply wish it well - because at this rate, it may just be the only species with an exit strategy.