BREAKING: Taylor Swift’s Engagement Has Absolutely Nothing To Do With The Shire - But We’re Posting About It Anyway So We Dont Feel Left Out

Chris T Tide | Foreign Correspondent | Sutherland Shire Gazette

28 August 2025

KANSAS - In news that has absolutely nothing to do with the Sutherland Shire but has somehow managed to dominate every social media feed and café conversation this morning, Taylor Swift is engaged to Travis Kelce.

Naturally, local businesses and residents have wasted no time shoehorning themselves into the narrative. The Shire Gazette’s newsroom was quick to speculate that the pair could tie the knot in the Founders Room at Wanda Surf Club, assuming Taylor can overlook the faint whiff of spray tan and the inexplicably permanent cardboard cut-out of Shannon Noll near the fire exit.

Others argue the “wedding of the century” might be more at home at the new Sharks Club - provided management ever get their act together and finish building it before Kelce retires. Sources close to our Bev from Admin say she’s already volunteered her famous sponge cake for the bridal table.

Meanwhile, whispers around Cronulla suggest that if Wanda’s booked out, Rydges could play host to the bachelorette party - hens night packages reportedly include two-for-one Tay-quila Sunrises, a grazing board, and an awkward conga line led by Davo from the apartments down the road.

In short: there is no link between Taylor Swift, her engagement, and the Sutherland Shire. But in a media landscape where every Pilates studio and lawn-mowing service is suddenly posting about it, we’d look negligent if we didn’t.

Oh, and congrats Taylor & Travis 💍