Local Man Who Missed Coldplay Kiss Cam Scandal Confirmed to Be Living Under an Actual Rock

Sienna Rivers | Lifestyle & Trends | Sutherland Shire Gazette

19 July 2025

BANGOR - In a stunning admission that’s rocked group chats from Bonnet Bay to Bundeena, a local man has confessed to not knowing anything about the Coldplay Kiss Cam scandal currently dominating global headlines.

The man, identified only as “Brad from Bangor,” casually asked “Wait, what happened at the Coldplay concert?” during a morning coffee session on Saturday morning - prompting his barista to drop a reusable lid in sheer disbelief.

Brad’s housemate, Shire TikTok creator Chloe, was first to raise the alarm.

“I thought he was joking. Like, hah-hah I don’t check the news, classic Brad,” she said. “But then he asked if Chris Martin is still with Gwyneth and I realised… oh my God. He actually doesn’t know.”

Friends report Brad had been “off-grid” this week due to what he describes as “a personal digital detox” but what others claim was just his phone dying behind the couch and him not looking for it.

Dr. Colleen Maguire, a part-time lecturer in Contemporary Relevance Studies at Gymea TAFE, says Brad’s condition may be more widespread than we think.

“We call it ‘Selective Cultural Disengagement Syndrome,’” she explained. “It typically affects males aged 28 to 42 who’ve muted their group chats, think they’re ‘better than the algorithm,’ and still use Hotmail.”

When shown the footage of the now-infamous jumbotron outing - a tech CEO and alleged HR mistress caught mid-smirk at a Coldplay concert - Brad blinked slowly and said: “Oh. Right. That’s hectic.”

He then paused and asked: “Wait… Coldplay’s still touring?”

Authorities are now monitoring Brad for other potential gaps in pop cultural awareness, including not knowing about Barbenheimer, the Matildas, or the fact that Shark Cam is now considered a high-risk zone for accidental public shaming.