Sunday Pub Chat Unveils Monarchy Plot - "They All Have The Same Birthday, Don't They?"

Callum Finnerty | Special Features Editor | Sutherland Shire Gazette

8 June 2025

GYMEA - In what’s being hailed as the most dangerous act of backyard scholarship since someone tried to explain crypto at a BBQ, two men at the Gymea Pub have reportedly uncovered a “deep state birthday conspiracy” involving the entire British monarchy.

The pair -Dazza and Steve, last seen arguing over the origin of daylight savings and whether it was “a UN thing” - became suspicious after realising the King’s Birthday public holiday has suspiciously not moved, despite the Queen no longer being involved in, well, anything.

“You mean to tell me two sovereigns… same day off? Mate, that’s either divine right or a dodgy Excel formula,” said Dazza, squinting at the calendar app on his cracked Samsung.

Steve, emboldened by three Tooheys and a vague memory of Year 9 history, agreed: “It’s like the horses, isn’t it? All got the same birthday. You’re telling me the royals aren’t just people with fancier feedbags?”

Attempts to clarify that the holiday has never aligned with any monarch’s actual birth date were quickly dismissed as “textbook Meghan-level misdirection” by the increasingly fired-up duo.

The debate derailed when a third bloke, Thommo, chimed in with an unsolicited TED Talk linking the Gregorian calendar, Prince Andrew’s deleted tattoo, and the location of Harold Holt.

The Queen may be gone, the King rarely seen, but one thing’s certain: in Gymea, constitutional monarchy is alive, well, and under relentless investigation - one schooner at a time.

As of press time, the royal family had not responded. Probably because it’s still a bit early in London and they’re tired from sharing one birthday between the lot of them.

Monarchy Plot