Local Dads in Full Pre-Season Panic After Accidentally Volunteering as Soccer Coaches

Liam Montgomery | Sports Reporter | Sutherland Shire Gazette

22 March 2025

With the 2025 winter sports season kicking off this weekend, local Shire dads are warming up their hammies, dusting off their runners, and quietly panicking as they realise they are now officially head coaches of their kid’s soccer team—despite only vaguely remembering agreeing to it over a beer at registration night.

“I swear I just nodded along,” said Engadine dad and now Under-7s coach Mick Patterson. “Next thing I know, I’m in a group chat called Coach Legends 2025 and being tagged in drills videos. I don’t even know the rules of offside.”

Meanwhile, dads across the Shire have been spotted at local gyms attempting last-minute ‘pre-season’ training, trying to avoid pulling a hamstring in Round 1—or at the very least, not looking completely cooked by halftime.

“My kid reckons I need to ‘set a good example’ and ‘keep up’ at training,” said Caringbah dad and newly appointed Under-9s coach Dave Reynolds. “So now I’m out here on the field at 6 am, stretching like I’m about to take on the Socceroos.”

Despite the rising panic, most dads are taking their new coaching duties very seriously, already practicing their post-match speeches, Googling how to deal with ‘difficult referees’, and investing in good-quality fold-out chairs for peak sideline presence.

“I just hope my team listens to me better than my kids do,” Mick added. “Otherwise, we’re gonna have a long season ahead.”

With the season kicking off soon, one thing is certain: the Shire’s greatest sporting battle won’t be fought on the field—it’ll be in the physio’s waiting room come Monday morning.