“One of Us” - Non-Shire Woman Uses DNA Test to Breach High School Friendship Fortress

Skye Waverley | Social Reporter | Sutherland Shire Gazette

11 August 2025

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n a social coup that has stunned anthropologists and brunch enthusiasts alike, a non–Shire-born woman has reportedly achieved the near-impossible - gaining full membership to one of the Sutherland Shire’s most exclusive all-female friendship circles, famed for operating with the precision and territoriality of Royal National Park wildlife.

Emma* has known the group for years, often spotted at the periphery of their coffee catch-ups and birthday dinners, but never granted official membership. According to observers, the circle appears not to have evolved socially since their Year 10 formal - same dynamics, same in-jokes, and possibly the same eyebrow shapes.

Traditionally, group membership entry requires one thing: having attended their unnamed local public high school. Outsiders, even those who have lived in the Shire for a decade, are typically left orbiting the group’s social media sphere, liking “good vibes only” memes while never cracking the brunch invite list.

But last month, Emma shocked the system by commissioning a full DNA analysis, revealing a tenuous link to a second cousin who attended the school in 1997. She immediately lodged a formal appeal with the group’s queen bee, citing “ancestral rights to bottomless mimosa banter.”

Local Sociologist Dr. Allegra Clique likens the phenomenon to wildlife behaviour in the Royal National Park: “It’s territoriality at its finest. You’re either part of the established herd or you’re an unfamiliar intruder to be observed, avoided, or occasionally hissed at during school pickup.”

After a tense review - rumoured to involve a group chat vote, a loyalty quiz on who dated who in the ’90s, and a compulsory girls’ weekend trial - Emma finally heard the three sacred words: “You’re one of us.”

*Name changed to protect her from future passive-aggressive unfollows.

High school friendship