Sutherland Shire Gazette Journalists Unable to Type This Week After Fingers Officially Declare It 'Too Bloody Cold'.

Finn Seabrook | Local Correspondent | Sutherland Shire Gazette

7 June 2025

Winter has officially breached the firewall at The Sutherland Shire Gazette, with editorial operations grinding to a frosty halt this week after staff fingers downed tools in protest, citing “catastrophic digital frostbite” and “a total lack of feeling - physically and emotionally.”

Used to nothing chillier than a light southerly and a passive-aggressive group email, the newsroom was blindsided by this week’s Antarctic blast, which saw temperatures plunge to “Somewhere Between Permafrost and Death.”

“We tried to type,” whispered a traumatised Bev from Admin. “But our fingers were zipped up inside puffer jackets and full of regret. I haven’t seen a spacebar struck since Tuesday.”

An attempt at voice dictation was short-lived when the software froze mid-sentence and began auto-transcribing an episode of Bluey.

Editor-in-Chief Sandy Shores tried to rally the team with her usual 8:30am battle cry - but instead produced a hoarse wheeze that echoed down the corridor like a dying kettle with asthma. “It was chilling,” said a junior reporter. “Even the office fiddle leaf plant collapsed.”

Bev, mistaking Sandy’s frantic hand signal for a drinks order, served everyone a lukewarm Milo, which froze solid before it reached anyone’s lips. By 10am, the coffee machine had entered a fugue state and began dispensing ice cubes.

Things escalated when Bev’s USB-powered cat-shaped hand warmer shorted out and triggered the emergency evacuation alarm - not that anyone could hear it over the symphony of chattering teeth.

The newsroom now exists in suspended animation, with Sandy wrapped in two heat packs, a tartan blanket, and quiet fury. A return to publishing is expected once someone locates the office heater, or spring - whichever comes first.

Until then, stay warm. And if you see Bev, do not ask her to make you a Milo

Too bloody cold