Cronulla Dachshund Trevor Diagnoses Owner With Rare Condition: “She Can’t Function Without Me”

Sandy Shores | Editor in Chief | Sutherland Shire Gazette

12 August 2025

In a case baffling local vets and quietly impressing control freaks everywhere, Trevor the nine-year-old dachshund from Cronulla has declared his owner, Jess Palmer, 36, suffers from a rare psychological condition: Owner-Dependent Syndrome.

Long recognised by neighbours as the undisputed alpha of Ewos Parade, Trevor made the diagnosis himself during what witnesses describe as a “pointed, sustained stare” at a passing Labradoodle.

“She can’t function without me,” he was overheard telling a passing Cavoodle, before refusing to walk another step until Jess swapped her takeaway latte for one in a dog-pram cup holder.

Local vet Dr Len Barkley confirmed the role reversal after a thorough consultation. “Most dogs offer comfort. Trevor offers oversight. He’s not an emotional support animal; he’s an emotional auditor,” Barkley explained. “He micromanages Jess’s happiness with the vigilance of a middle manager guarding the stationery cupboard.”

Friends report Jess now plans her social life entirely around Trevor’s approval. Her phone gallery is said to be almost exclusively photos of him, and any invitation that doesn’t involve a dog park is quietly declined.

Dr Barkley warns the condition may escalate if Jess attempts another relationship. “Trevor tolerates friends, delivery drivers and distant relatives,” she said. “But anyone staying past dessert will find themselves under immediate emotional surveillance.”

Trevor appears unfazed by the diagnosis. “She feeds me, shelters me, and takes me everywhere,” he told the Gazette. “In return, I protect her from bad life choices - like dating men with man buns.”

Locals agree Jess may have rescued Trevor from the shelter, but now he’s rescuing her - from independence, romance, and possibly ever finding out what freedom tastes like.