Cronulla Woman Finally Meets Decent Bloke — But Her Possessive Sausage Dog Says No

Blake Curran | Investigative Journalist | Sutherland Shire Gazette

24 June 2025

CRONULLA - In news that has devastated romantics across the 2230, local woman Jess Palmer, 36 has regretfully ended a promising relationship - because her long-time companion, Trevor the dachshund, simply “wasn’t vibing him.”

Jess, who describes herself as “chronically single but emotionally committed to a four-legged dictator,” met accountant Dave at a dog-friendly café. “He was funny, had a job, owned actual fitted sheets - I thought this might be it,” Jess told The Sutherland Shire Gazette. “But Trevor growled the second he sat on my outdoor furniture, and I knew. It was over.”

Friends say Trevor the sausage dog, 11, has a long history of sabotaging Jess’s love life. “He once faked a limp when she dated a chiropractor,” confirmed Jess’s neighbour Trace. “And the guy before Dave? Trevor mysteriously vomited in his shoes.”

Animal behaviourist and part-time life coach Dr Sharon from Loftus TAFE says it’s not uncommon. “Dachshunds are loyal, territorial, and extremely judgmental. Once they’ve decided someone’s not it, good luck.”

Despite initial heartbreak, Jess says she’s at peace. “At the end of the day, Dave didn’t pass the vibe check. Or the front gate.”

Trevor has since returned to sleeping smugly across Jess’s pillow, his paw gently pressed against her cheek like a warning.

The pair have no future dating plans, but Jess says she’ll remain open. “As long as the next guy is willing to be interviewed by Trevor first - and doesn’t mind eating on the floor.”

More to come

Sausage dog cronulla