EXPOSED: The Great Chemist Conspiracy - Why Does This Discount Pharmacy Move at Snail Pace in Caringbah but at Warp Speed in Miranda?

Blake Curran | Investigative Journalist | Sutherland Shire Gazette

18 March 2025

In a shocking revelation that has left Shire locals scratching their heads (and reaching for antihistamines they’ll wait three hours to receive), The Sutherland Shire Gazette has uncovered a baffling pharmaceutical paradox.

At the Caringbah branch of this well-known discount chemist, customers enjoy ample parking, wheelchair-friendly access, and a leisurely atmosphere perfect for contemplating life’s big questions—such as whether their prescription will be ready before they qualify for a pension. Some customers claim they’ve had enough time to read an entire novel, complete a postgraduate degree, or start and finish raising a small child while waiting for their name to be called.

Yet just 4.3 km away at the Miranda store—wedged in an inconvenient location with zero parking, a labyrinthine shopping centre layout, and an escalator ride that feels like a test of endurance—scripts are filled at lightning speed. Some reports suggest prescriptions are ready before customers even leave their GP’s office, raising concerns that some mysterious AI-powered pharmaceutical force is at play.

Others speculate that the pharmacists are simply sprinting to get customers out of the store before they realise they need to go back up two escalators and through three shopfronts to escape.

So, what’s the secret? Have Miranda staff developed a sixth sense for anticipating illnesses before symptoms even appear? Is Caringbah locked in some kind of time vortex where pharmacists work at a different speed? Is this all just an elaborate social experiment to test patience?

One thing’s for sure—our investigative team will continue to dig for answers. Preferably from the comfort of the Miranda store, where at least they won’t have to wait until next flu season for their flu shots.