New Study Confirms School Shoes Genetically Engineered to Disintegrate Halfway Through Term 4

Callum Finnerty | Features Editor | Sutherland Shire Gazette

6 November 2025

New research has confirmed what parents across the Shire have long suspected: school shoes are not built to last - they’re designed to give up halfway through Term 4.

According to the report, the average pair lives a quiet, dependable existence for three terms before entering catastrophic failure somewhere between the October long weekend and the Year 6 farewell. “They could make them durable,” said lead researcher Dr. Sole Trader. “But durability doesn’t drive sales. Desperation does.”

The pattern is universal: flawless until mid-October, then suddenly splitting, fraying, or opening at the toe like a tax return envelope - usually the week before photo day. 

“It’s as if they sense fatigue,” said Dr. Trader. “The moment parents stop caring, the soles stop coping.”

The study also found that buying replacements in Term 4 is a waste of time. “By January, those shiny new Clarks fit like doll accessories,” said Dr. Trader.

Parents describe the cycle as “a national conspiracy between shoe companies, podiatrists, and the school uniform mafia.” One Miranda mum told The Gazette, “I’ve stopped pretending. I just wrap the shoes in gaffa tape, hit them with a can of black spray paint, and pray we make it to presentation day.”

The study concludes with a grim warning: no shoe truly survives the final term. They simply hold on long enough to teach parents one enduring lesson -that hope, much like the soles, eventually wears thin.