SPECIAL INVESTIGATION: The Shire’s 10 Bin Personality Types Finally Identified — Behavioural Patterns “Too Disturbing to Ignore”.

Callum Finnerty | Special Features Editor | Sutherland Shire Gazette

1 December 2025

SUTHERLAND SHIRE - After months of late-night stakeouts, cross-suburb surveillance, and one traumatic encounter with an ibis guarding a leaking bag of prawn heads, The Sutherland Shire Gazette can today reveal the results of its most ambitious ethnographic study to date:

The definitive classification of Shire residents by their wheelie-bin behaviour.

Led by Features Editor Callum Finnerty - who now twitches whenever he hears a hydraulic truck arm -the investigation confirms that bin night is less a routine chore and more a weekly psychological census of the Shire.

1. The Premature Ejector Bins out days early. Left as driveway décor. A personality pressed between anxiety, optimism and control issues.

2. The Deadline Dasher Hears the truck → panic. Sprints barefoot. Waves down the driver like a castaway signalling rescue. Always late. Always surprised.

3. The Over-Stuffer Lid at 90 degrees. A soft-plastic floral arrangement. Avoids eye contact with neighbours and ibis.

4. The Bin Sommelier Knows the Council calendar by heart. Gently “corrects” your bin with moral authority. Has laminated evidence.

5. The Bin Ninja Out at 11:58pm, back in by 12:04am. Silent. Swift. Probably works in cybersecurity.

6. The Strategic Bin Relocator Places bins exactly 1.7m from the kerb “per guidelines.” A zealot for alignment. A menace to casual bin-users.

7. The Passive-Aggressive Spacer Moves their bin half onto your frontage “accidentally.” Always triggered by parking disputes or hedge trauma.

8. The Bin Agent of Chaos Intentionally puts the wrong bins out. Green during heatwaves. Yellow when it’s not yellow week. Watches from behind curtains as the street dissolves into doubt.

9. The Midnight Bin Smuggler Produces suspicious volumes of rubbish. Sneaks through the night distributing waste into neighbouring bins like a criminal Santa.

10. The Undiagnosed Minimalist Bin always half-empty. Alarmingly half-empty. Where the rest of their rubbish goes remains unclear — and frankly concerning.

After reviewing the findings, Callum offered only one message to residents:

“No matter which bin type you are… your neighbours already know.”