Trevor the Dachshund From Cronulla Joins Bumble to Swipe Left on Jess's Behalf - For Her Own Good

Blake Curren | Investigative Journalist | Sutherland Shire Gazette

1 July 2025

CRONULLA — Locals are calling it “a modern act of sabotage” as Trevor, the notoriously picky dachshund belonging to eternally single Jess Palmer, has reportedly taken matters into his own paws by joining dating app Bumble.

Using Jess’s unattended phone and his disturbingly dexterous paw, Trevor created a profile stating: “Looking for someone who’s not into affection, eye contact or existing in my general vicinity.”

“He’s swiping left on everyone,” Jess sighed. “Except one guy who listed ‘owning a rescue snake’ as a fun fact. I think Trevor just liked the danger.”

Experts are baffled. “It’s rare for a dog to understand swipe culture,” said digital behaviour analyst Brett from Loftus TAFE. “But it appears Trevor is highly motivated to remain the only man in Jess’s life.”

“It’s rare for a dog to comprehend dating platforms,” said Langford, “but this is no ordinary dog. This is a dachshund with a God complex and abandonment issues.”

Sources close to the situation say Trevor has also taken to guarding Jess’s front door like a bouncer with a clipboard.

As of press time, Trevor had matched with zero humans and successfully scared off a courier who tried to deliver flowers.