"I just wanted to sit down"- Dave Speaks Out After Being Dumped for Trevor the Sausage Dog

Blake Curran | Investigative Journalist | Sutherland Shire Gazette

15 July 2025

EXCLUSIVE - In a heartfelt sit-down (on his own couch, notably), Dave, the ex-boyfriend at the centre of the now-infamous Cronulla love triangle, has broken his silence - and his silence, like his dignity, has teeth marks.

“I wasn’t looking to start a turf war with a 5kg sausage dog,” Dave told The Sutherlad Shire Gazette. “I just wanted to spend time with a woman I really liked - maybe share some Thai takeaway, watch a bit of Bluey ironically. But apparently I was trespassing on sacred ground.”

That sacred ground, of course, being Jess Palmer’s lap - real estate permanently occupied by Trevor the Dachshund, local sausage-shaped gatekeeper and part-time emotional hostage negotiator.

“I tried everything,” Dave said, holding back tears and holding a leftover kebab. “Premium deli meats. Doggy baby-talk. I even faked liking schnauzers. But nothing could get me past Trevor’s stare - that dead-eyed, passive-aggressive glare that says: ‘This lap ain't big enough for the both of us.’”

Sources close to the situation confirm Trevor once fake-sneezed every time Dave leaned in for a kiss. “At first we thought it was allergies,” she said. “Then we noticed he only sneezed when Dave touched her knee. It was tactical.”

Eventually, Jess told Dave she needed “space” - but allegedly what she meant was “Trevor needs more lap access.” Dave exited with grace, and 70% of his confidence.

“I don’t blame her,” Dave said. “I blame the tiny dictator with separation issues and a God complex. But hey - I’ve joined a support group. It’s called Men Dumped for Dogs. We meet Wednesdays. We sit on beanbags. We heal.”

Trevor declined to comment, but sources confirm he is currently curled on the lap in question, watching The Bachelor and chewing the corner of Dave’s hoodie.

More as this story develops. Probably next Tuesday.

Trevor dumped dog