Under 7's Soccer Regrading Scandal Erupts After 10-0 "Victory" Built Entirely on Wrong Goals. Parents Call for VAR Review.

Liam Montgomery | Sports Reporter | Sutherland Shire Gazette

28 April 2025

Tempers have boiled over in the Sylvania Sharks Under 7s parent group chat this week, after news broke that their soccer team would be re-graded three levels higher - despite not scoring a single goal themselves all season so far.

The regrading decision comes after a “comprehensive” 10–0 win in Round 3, in which the opposing team reportedly scored all ten goals into the wrong net.

“Yes, technically it was 10-nil,” said Sharks coach and part-time physiotherapist Daniel Harcourt, “but I don’t think a single one of our kids actually touched the ball.”

According to witnesses, the opposing side - the Miranda Martians - became confused early on and continued to celebrate each own goal with increasing enthusiasm. “At one point their coach started clapping,” said a stunned onlooker. “He looked exhausted.”

The Shire Juniors Football Association responded swiftly with a formal regrading, bumping the Sharks from Grade P to Grade M - skipping two full divisions and causing a Category 5 explosion in the parents' WhatsApp thread.

“THIS IS RIDICULOUS,” wrote one dad at 11:04pm. “My son still runs away from the ball.”

“We are not ready for M grade,” posted another, followed by 87 passive-aggressive emojis and a YouTube link about the long-term psychological impacts of premature sporting promotion.

A spokesperson for the Association defended the decision: “It was a dominant result. No further questions.”

With week 4 approaching, several parents are threatening to pull their kids from the team unless an independent review is conducted, ideally by a video assisted referee.

Meanwhile, the Sharks have begun extra training… mostly in the art of convincing the next team to repeat the same mistake.