UPDATE: Shire Residents Returning from Oasis Concert Now Declaring 2025 ‘Best Year Since 1998’

The Shire is waking slowly this morning - heads pounding, voices shredded, and dignity scattered somewhere along the M5 - after Oasis-induced euphoria in Homebush.

For the 35–55 bracket, it was less a concert and more a pilgrimage: thousands boarding buses, dressed uniformly in Adidas tees and denim, crossing the Alfords Point Bridge for an event many are calling spiritually transformative and orthopaedically regrettable.

Reports are emerging of several near misses, most notably Sally - who, despite 30 years of lyrical warning, could not, in fact, wait. after a committed night on the Smirnoff Ices at Accor Stadium, her Champagne Supernova came earlier than expected - roughly three kilometres short of the Padstow Maccas loo stop. Witnesses say she’s “fine now,” though her seat on the bus “may never recover.”

Meanwhile, the post-concert economics of regret are in full swing. Shire residents are waking beside $70 Oasis t-shirts and bucket hats purchased in the emotional fog of Don’t Look Back in Anger. “It felt spiritual last night,” said one dad from Kareela. “This morning it feels like evidence.”

By 10am Sunday, WhatsApp groups across the Shire are flooded with raspy-voiced debriefs, photos that seemed iconic at the time, and competing theories about whether Noel smiled. “I’ve had worse hangovers,” said Jodie from Gymea, now speaking exclusively in Gallagher. “But not many.”

There were also unconfirmed reports that Trevor the Dachshund was spotted side-stage in an Oasis bucket hat, allegedly caught rummaging through Liam’s rider and refusing to leave the green room.

Sociologists have dubbed the event The Oasis Effect - a brief, euphoric suspension of middle age. “For one weekend,” said Dr. Felix Ledger, “the Shire remembered who it was before mortgages, colonoscopies and Pilates reformer waitlists.”

As the headaches fade and the bucket hats quietly retire to car boots across the region, one thing is clear: for a generation that never truly let go of the 90s, last night was the closest they’ve come to time travel. 

Oasis Concert 2025