Local Dachshund Dog Trevor Only Answers to “The Alpha” Now – Jess Palmer’s Household Plunged Into Constitutional Crisis

Harper Vale | Investigative Journalist | Sutherland Shire Gazette

22 July 2025

CRONULLA - In what neighbours are calling “a natural next step” after a series of very public power struggles, local dachshund Trevor has officially stopped responding to his name-unless addressed as “The Alpha.”

Owner Jess Palmer, 36, whose relationship with Trevor has deteriorated since the infamous Esplanade stare-down incident and the failed Sutherland to Surf training saga, says things escalated quickly.

“I called him ‘Trev’ and he just… blinked at me like I was an unpaid intern,” said Jess. “Then my boyfriend came over and referred to him as a ‘little guy’ and Trevor growled so softly it felt legally binding.”

Witnesses (primarily Jess’s sister and a suspiciously informed barista from Grind Cafe) report that Trevor has started blocking access to communal areas, commandeering the best throw rug, and placing a single paw on the remote whenever Jess reaches for it.

Experts are baffled. “He’s not behaving like a dog. He’s behaving like a tech founder mid-pivot,” said Brett Romano, Senior Lecturer in Companion Animal Power Plays at Loftus TAFE. “This isn’t dominance. This is a rebrand.”

Trevor now insists on formal titles when introduced to guests-“The Alpha, Dachshund of House Palmer” - and has allegedly vetoed two potential suitors based on “inconsistent snack energy” and a visible attempt to put him on the floor.

Jess, whose sleep has become fragmented due to “late-night staring sessions” from the foot of the bed, says she’s trying to maintain boundaries. “But he won’t let me watch The Bear unless he’s present. And I caught him editing my Hinge profile.”

When asked to comment, Trevor simply turned away and sighed audibly in the direction of a passing cockapoo.

Power has shifted. Jess is adapting. And The Alpha? Unbothered. Moisturised. Emotionally weaponised.

• More to come -