JUST IN: Local Kids Re-Enter Competitive Measurement Phase Over Christmas Soft Drink Pour.

Skey Waverley | Social Reporter | Sutherland Shire Gazette

21 December 2025

SUTHERLAND SHIRE - Children across the Shire are officially preparing to re-enter what experts call the Competitive Measurement Phase of childhood this Christmas - a highly ritualised process triggered the moment Uncle Nick picks up a bottle of sugar-free soft drink.

What should be a joyful festive pour instead becomes a forensic exercise in equity, power and perceived favouritism - one many adults will recognise from their own childhoods, when rulers were retrieved from pencil cases and “fairness” was a measurable concept.

Eyewitnesses confirm that once the glasses are placed on the table, kids instinctively drop to eye level, squinting with the focus of junior engineers to assess whether the pour is “actually even” or “clearly unfair if you look properly.”

“It starts quietly,” said one Gymea mum. “Then someone says, ‘Why is hers higher?’ and suddenly we’re in a full-scale inquiry.”

The technique is universal: crouch low, tilt head, close one eye, and compare liquid levels down to the bubble line. Foam is hotly contested. So is glass thickness. Cup placement near the table edge is considered a strategic advantage.

Uncle Nick, 62, remains blissfully unaware of the chaos he causes. “They’re kids,” he said. “It all goes to the same place.”

Kids disagree.

Sources say Christmas Day disputes often escalate into demands for re-pours, cup swaps, or the ultimate accusation: “You like him more.”

Parents report that the argument is never really about the drink. “It’s about fairness,” said one Sylvania dad. “And winning.”

By afternoon, the kids will forget entirely. By next Christmas, they’ll remember everything.

Because in the Shire, Christmas isn’t just about giving - it’s about making sure everyone got exactly the same amount.