SPECIAL FEATURE: The Shire Exit Guide - The Top 10 Ways Locals Perfect The Art of Leaving.

After an extensive investigation by our Social Affairs Desk, consider this your official field guide to leaving social situations the Shire way. 

Callum Finnerty | Special Features Editor | Sutherland Shire Gazette

20 December 2025

SUTHERLAND SHIRE - After interviewing witnesses, reviewing CCTV, and observing dozens of brunches unravel, our Social Reporter has identified the ten most iconic ways locals escape social situations. Consider this your essential handbook to the exits that define us.

Consider this your official field guide to leaving social situations the Shire way.

1. The Cronulla Fade

 Leaving a gathering by announcing you’re “just ducking out to move the car,” then never returning - later found 45 minutes away getting gelato on The Esplanade.

2. The Shire Slide

A silent exit triggered mid-conversation the moment someone mentions rates or school catchment zones. Usually involves a whisper of “better beat the traffic,” followed by total disappearance.

3. The Northies Goodbye

Saying goodbye to absolutely everyone, loudly, then remaining on-site for another two hours - often reappearing with a fresh drink and zero recollection of having already left

4. The Princes Highway Slip-Out

Quietly announcing you’re “just ducking to the servo,” only to be halfway to Gymea with the aircon blasting before the group realises you’re gone.

5. The Bundeena Drift

A soft, graceful retreat starting with “I might head soon,” followed by 40 minutes of driveway chats, three sets of hugs, and eventual departure long after everyone else.

6. The Flip-Flop Flake

Agreeing enthusiastically to “one more drink,” immediately regretting it, and vanishing before the round arrives - leaving only your thongs behind as evidence.

7. The Shark Park Shuffle

A perfectly timed slink away during small talk, executed between “traffic chat” and “property prices,” with the precision of a Sharks backline set play.

8. The Vinyl Room Pre-Block

Wearing the wrong shoes or shirt on purpose, ensuring you’ll be “denied entry” when the group inevitably heads to the Vinyl Room. A strategic masterpiece.

9. The Gymea Ghost

No exit remembered, only a knee scratch, a kebab wrapper, and $47.20 missing from your account. Researchers classify it as a Shire-based wormhole.

10. The Far Kurnell Non-Starter

Not an exit but a geographical inevitability: you never actually make it out of Far Kurnell. By the time you “head in,” everyone else is heading home. The cleanest exit of all - because you never actually entered.

- More to come -