Local Breakthrough: Hallway Cabinet Top Drawer Worth More Than Family’s Superannuation

Brock Ledger | Economics Correspondent | Sutherland Shire Gazette

27 August 2025

Forget property values and waterfront views - the real goldmine in the Shire has been under everyone’s nose (and junk mail) all along. The top drawer of the hallway cabinet, often dismissed as a graveyard for batteries of mysterious origin, rogue Allen keys, and that one pen that sometimes works, has been declared “the most valuable square footage in the average household.”

A breakthrough study led by Adjunct Research Fellow Dr. Kylie Marlow of Caringbah Community College has confirmed the drawer’s significance. “Our findings suggest the drawer functions as both a time capsule and a survival kit. It contains everything from expired Panadol to a single AA battery that has powered four remote controls in its lifetime,” Marlow explained.

Residents interviewed by the Shire Gazette admitted that while they could never find their tax file number, their hallway drawer always produced an elastic band, paperclip, or mystery key at precisely the right moment. “I once found a spare garage remote in there. I don’t even have a garage,” said Caringbah local, Dean, proudly.

Local anthropologists went further, describing the drawer as “Australia’s Rosetta Stone of family life,” with strata minutes, IKEA hex wrenches, and unopened birthday cards layered together in sedimentary fashion.

Shire economists are now calculating the drawer’s potential to replace the Reserve Bank, given its unrivalled liquidity in hair ties, blu-tack, and batteries that may or may not work.

In a final warning, Dr. Marlow added: “The second anyone tries to organise it, the house will collapse into chaos. Leave the drawer be. It’s the only system holding this country together.”